Game of Confidence


I have a short quiz for you. Choose the one set of statements that is most true.

A). Confidence is a belief that comes from deep within. Some people are born with it. It comes more naturally to some people. In order to do something hard, difficult, uncomfortable or risky, you need to have confidence first.

B)  Confidence is a practice. No one is born with confidence. It is not a belief but a habit developed by keeping promises to yourself and others. Most importantly, by keeping promises to yourself.

Take a minute to think about this………………………………………………………..

This may have a been a little tricky. Both seem to have merit and popular belief would have A be the more true choice.

But it’s not. B is the real truth.

As Margie Warrell said in her book, Brave, “Too often women overestimate the risks and underestimate themselves. Only by doing the very things we’re afraid of can we come to realize how little reason we ever had to fear. The only way to build confidence and courage is by acting with it.”

The way to build confidence is by taking action. Making small, micro-decisions every day and acting on them.

Some easy, right in front of you examples are:

  • Waking up when you say you will
  • Eating what you say you will
  • Not eating what you say you won’t
  • Exercising when you say you will
  • Talking to your spouse in a loving manner
  • Being with your kids in a way that has them feel loved and supported
  • Not letting the meeting go over 15 minutes like you communicated


There are literally hundreds of ways each day to build confidence through all the tiny actions we take.

Confidence is a muscle. It has to be used and flexed in order gain strength. It also has to be stretched and stressed, which is how real strength is formed in any muscle. What can happen when we get to the point of stretch and stress? We cave. It’s too uncomfortable. Too hard. Too scary. It hurts.

Confidence is a practice. The people that seem like they are naturally confident have actually just developed the habit, the practice of confidence. They know how to make a commitment to themselves and keep it. When things get tough, they have enough practice, and developed enough grit over time, to push through because they have experience of what’s on the other side.

Conversely, the more you break commitments to yourself, the less confidence you will have. If you are waking up late every day, heading for the sugary snacks by 10:00 am, rushing around stressed because you start the day behind, the habits that are formed are distrust, fear, hesitation and doubt.

Is that the way of being you want to create? My guess is no.

Confidence is not some magical star-like quality only a few special souls are blessed with. It’s not something you have to wait for in order to be the version of yourself you want to be. Like it’s out there somewhere and you just don’t have it yet.

There is no “out there” and there is no point to get to on a dial where you think, “AHA! Now I have confidence!!! Now I’m good enough to go do that thing.”

It’s the reverse. You don’t need confidence before taking action, before doing the work, before doing something that’s hard.

You build confidence by DOING the hard things first, despite your feelings, emotions and moods.

Confidence is created. And it can be created by you.

Now. Because that’s all there is.

{And you MATTER}