Goals. Striving. Hitting a target. Reaching the next level. Making a mark. Success. Finally doing it.
Achieving. More, more, more.
But what is the real goal?
Many times during the year, the gyms are packed, programs are full, trainers are busy, diets/detoxes/cleanses are plentiful, and Whole Foods is overflowing. Ambitions are high, plans are laid, strategies are constructed.
What is the percentage of actually finishing the goals we set for ourselves? Most of the time, it’s pretty low.
And why is that? One word…commitment.
And a couple more: Desire. And consistency.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”
We don’t lack information. We don’t lack know-how. We don’t lack ability. When we don’t reach a target we set for ourselves, it’s because of commitment. Even when it looks like the world conspired against us, if we are truly committed, nothing will get in the way of our desires.
And, it’s the desire we are chasing. A feeling. Not the goal itself.
So before you go and map out a bunch of plans and blueprints for what you think you are supposed to want at any given time, check your gut (it actually is your second brain.) Check your heart. Check in with your quiet Self, and listen.
What is the stillest place in your Being telling you? How do you want to feel about: money, your job, your relationship, your kids, your home, your pleasure, your body, your life?
How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? In carpool? At lunch? Checking email? At the gym? Doing the work that will have you reach your very important goal?
Being clear on your desires, your desired feelings, the life you want to create, may adjust some of those goals and actually make it more likely to reach the ones you do want to reach.
Sure, it's great to want to make $100,000 more next year, but how will that make you feel? Will it give you more freedom? Why? Why is that important to you? Start the new business? Is that going to make you feel more alive? Expansive? Better connection with your husband? Will that make you feel connected? Passionate? Sexy?
When you know how you want to feel, it creates the space to take action. When it feels good, you're more willing, and committed, to staying on track.
And in the real world of making lunches and flat tires and cancelled meetings, how do you stay on track?
Find some small habits that work for you to bring you OUT of your head — where a bunch of thoughts are going to create a bunch of drama and resistance — and into your body and AWAY from the resistance that will distract you from what you want.
Here’s a short list of things that work for me:
- taking a bath - a hot bath with lavender salts can melt resistance almost instantaneously
- dancing - dance. it. out. I highly recommend PeaceLoveHipHop (my dance bubble) if you are local to Charleston. Or put on your favorite music really loud and move your body in any way that feels good to you. There is no wrong way. Or check out www.loveqoya.com (my Bali trip in Sept. 2015 was a Qoya retreat.) This is one of the most important things a woman can do to regain connection to body, soul, sensuality and desire. Dancing creates all kinds of good magic.
- slow down or stop the alcohol - uh huh. For real. Waaaaaayyyyyy more clarity and energy. Even the “just one glass a night” brings in the hazies.
- meditation - I know. But be still and breathe. It just works.
- moving your body - exercise. move your body. a body in motion is much more likely to resist fear, temptation, make healthier life choices and not listen to the crazy monkey mind chatter.
- read a good book - Something that fills you up and isn't just straight up distraction.
Honorable mentions: drink warm lemon water in the morning, oil pulling (swishing your mouth with sesame or coconut oil for 10 minutes, rinse with warm salt water, then brush), call an old friend.
Finding a handful of activities/tasks/exercises that you can go to with relative ease, makes a huge difference when trying to maintain a clear mind. Especially when that clear mind is going to get you to that bonus more quickly. Or connect with your spouse more deeply. Or get you to the gym in the morning like you said you would. Or lose 20 pounds.
These small steps, taken with consistency, will create the commitment which will boost your confidence, which will provide the conditions for the results you desire.
Commit to your truest desires. That’s when Providence will move and magic will happen.