First, stop using the word should anywhere, ever. This implies that there is a “right” answer out there, that you don’t already own it, and someone out there has it for you. It also suggests the answer will comply with everyone else’s agenda around the topic. Shoulds are the work of Resistance. Shoulds are the work of self-doubt. Shoulds crush confidence. Just stop.
Instead, the question is, “What will I do?”
This is really about decision-making.
Our lives are the compilation of all the tiny decisions we make every day, all day. The decisions we make string together to form who we think we are inside of the lives we lead. We get really practiced at making some decisions, depending on where they fall in our lives.
Coffee or tea. Salad or sandwich. Left turn or right turn. Hit the snooze or get out of bed. Call today or tomorrow. Walk in or stay in the car. Ask the question or assume you know the answer. Give the hug or be too tired. Have the conversation or put it off again. Steak or chicken. Broccoli or rice. Stick with the plan or invite spontaneity. See problems or see possibilities.
One of the most meaningful distinctions in my life is between problem-solving and decision-making.
Decisions are powerful. Problems are non-powerful.
Decisions create action. Problems stop momentum.
Decisions create possibilities. Problems pulverize possibilities.
This is all about perception and perspective.
Depending on your worldview and how you “see” the circumstances in your life, situations will occur for you as problems to be fixed, or choices to be made.
Recent example from Real Life:
Earlier this month, I had 17 women coming to Daniel Island from all over the country for a 3-day Retreat. I had been planning this for months. Playlists, classes, sessions, meditations, special guests, extraordinary food, photographers and women I was ecstatic to be with and was thrilled for them to be with each other. It was going to be a magical and transformative weekend.
The day before the retreat was to start, I had to make the decision to cancel the event due to Hurricane Irma.
Done. Over. Bye-Bye. Not going to happen. The DAY BEFORE.
It was no one’s decision but mine. There were vendors and 2 of the participants in airplanes, in the sky, flying to Charleston at the time I made the call.
It was a decision. A trillion zillion things went through my mind in about a 60-minute span of time. And to be honest, it was heartbreaking. My obvious first concern was the safety of everyone.
Seeing this as a huge, gigantic problem to solve would have annihilated any chance at sound, clear, calm, focused decision-making.
I got on the phone and made 17 phone calls. Then rescheduled the entire event for January 18-21, 2018.
As it turned out, September 7th and 8th were spent pivoting in the moment, making decision after decision, and creating new possibilities with 6-7 other ladies from the original group -- 2 that flew here on the 6th and a few local attendees. We shifted, made other plans and had an extraordinary experience together. It wasn’t the Retreat. It was the perfect group, at the perfect time and was meant to be exactly what it was. It was beautiful and magical.
Because that’s the way it happened.
It wasn’t supposed to be any other way.
Hurricanes are moved and dominated completely by external forces: the wind, the temperature of the water, high pressures and low pressures and internal pressure. They are impressive forces of nature that make a lot of noise, can cause so much terrible damage and destruction, and don’t last.
A woman in her power is also a force of nature.
She is a leader who uses her voice with strength, builds up everyone and everything around her, and her impact on herself, and her environment, can cause a ripple effect that will last for generations.
That’s what we do.