This is the real truth. I woke up yesterday morning with tightness. Fear. A familiar feeling I have felt all too often.
The Big O...Overwhelm.
It’s time to pay bills. I have so much to do today/this week/next week....forever. I want to be debt free and have a successful business that serves people and feels incredible.
Am I spending enough time with my kids?
Where is my relationship with my husband?
I need to go see my grandmother.
Who am I to think I can do all of this?
Run a business (perfectly), lead a group (which I love), run my house (perfectly), be the perfect spouse, exercise everyday, meditate twice a day like I preach to everyone else, eat perfectly, spend enough time with my kids, take care of myself, and
homeschool my 8th grader? Oh.My.God.
Who the f*!# do I think I am????? I CAN'T DO IT.
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I am a grade A ~~ V I C T I M.
Then I put on my big girl panties and remembered who I am. All of that - shit - I created in my mind. It’s just bad programming from the past that creates guilt and shame. I am believing something that is not true. The truth is, I have everything I need RIGHT NOW. My Source is always there for me with all the courage, passion, power and strength I need...I just need to ask for it and LISTEN (and it often shows up in feathers like the one above I found yesterday afternoon as I headed out for a walk. The Universe is really cool that way...dropping me feathers to keep me on the path.)
Today it came quickly, but from soooooo much practice.
- I gained AWARENESS of the feeling in my mind and body
- I shifted my THOUGHTS, which allowed me to take small ACTIONS to create a desired FEELING
The ACTION steps:
- I told my husband I was feeling this way. Honest discussion.
- I took action and sat with my homeschooler and we did some plotting and planning. We made adjustments. He knows I am in this with him. We both felt better.
- I showed up with my clients, my son, my husband, and my business. I didn’t let the darkness overtake me. I ate well. I didn’t cave. I exercised.
The Black Swan gave me a message, I received it,
and let her go.
(You’ll hear more about the Black Swan in a coming post...it’s good.)
The rest of the day I felt completely positive, powerful and poised for life.
All because I CHANGED MY MIND.
This week marks the one year anniversary of my solo 10-day journey to the Choose Again Center in Costa Rica. I was reading over some of my journal entries from that experience and a flood of warmth, grace and peace washed over me. That trip, and the subsequent trip in November, taught me so much about my Self ~ I cannot put into words. It is a feeling. A shift.
The people and the process changed my life. The experiences changed my life. Ten years of information learned through self-study, self-discovery and personal growth, all came together. I certainly have more to learn and it is still a daily practice, but I am forever grateful to that work.
It absolutely kicked my ass and made me look at myself and my relationships in a completely different light. I saw the darkest corners of my being, and felt the lightest place in my soul. Fiercely magical.
So what can you take away from this?
Be aware of your thoughts.
Take action. Show up in your life with good food, moving your body, being in service to others and moving forward towards how you want to FEEL everyday. Take care of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of yourself - Every.Day.
Know that no one, or no thing can affect your life ~ only YOU have that power.
On my walk this afternoon (feather in hand), I was listening to my favorite playlist. Here is one of my favorite lines from the great Ben Harper:
“Take your face out of your hands, and clear your eyes.
You have a right to your dreams and don’t be denied. I believe in a better way.”
There IS a better way.
love + white feathers,
P.S. If you are interested in the work of Choose Again, here is the link. I cannot recommend it highly enough.