Our Desires Are A Map...

My daughter loves to dance. It is her greatest desire at this point in her life. She will choose dance over any other activity, given the choice. And she works hard at it.  She wants to be the best. There is no half-ass effort in that girl.

I asked her how dancing makes her feel…she said, “full and happy.”

She’s twelve. Is there any better way to feel?

I love the way desire rolls off the tongue…d e s i r e.

Desire is the internal fire of motivation. It is the thing that starts it all. We won’t take action on something unless there is the fire of desire for the thing first.

And it’s my belief that the one, core, main artery desire that runs through everyone is

to feel good.


We hate feeling bad. Or uncomfortable.

We will do anything in order to feel the way we want to feel.

If we want to feel strong, we will work out. If we want to feel sexy, we will put on killer shoes and a hot dress. If we want to relax, we will meditate, or take a nap, or take a sip, or take a cookie.

But, notice that a lot of the things we DO in order to feel the way we want to feel are external…outside of us. And if we aren’t feeling our desired feelings, we can blame

everything and everyone else.


What if, instead, we turned that inside-out, examined our true desires and knew that WE have the power to bring them into existence? That they actually come from WITHIN us?

What if we got crystal clear on what the hell it is that we really want?

(That is one of the most common things I hear when working with women.  Not knowing what they want…from relationships to career and/or not knowing how to get there.)

Because so many of us feel like walking contradictions and complex systems that need some serious decoding, we don’t understand our desires. We think it’s wrong to want things (especially big things), or feel things, especially if they seem opposite. Or at least some shade of crazy.

“Behind every desire there is a feeling. And your feelings will lead you to your Soul.”

--Danielle LaPorte, The Desire Map

Our Core Desired Feelings, those feelings that drive us, whether we have awareness of them or not…keep us on purpose, in the flow and lead us home. They are beautiful messages, pointers, that guide us to our true and natural state…which is love.

I uncovered my Core Desired Feelings after going through The Desire Map process (which is totally brilliant). They are:





In Union


Each one carries many layers of feelings beneath. So on a practical, day-to-day level, anytime I have a decision to make, or goal to set, or conversation to have, I can check in with my CDFs to see if I am staying true to myself.

I need to make that call but I’m not sure if they will be on board…BOLD…make the call. They said yes. So glad I made the call.

I really want to talk to my man about that comment he made, but I know he'll get defensive and pissy…FREE…I’m not afraid of what anyone thinks. It’s better (and BOLDER) to be true to myself. I told him how I felt constricted. We had honest conversation. It wasn't all pretty. But now we have more clarity in our relationship. FREEDOM. UNITY.

I am going to be a RADIANT example of JOY with my family today. No nagging, no bickering.  No matter what. Underwear in the floor. Dirty dishes in the sink. I trust their decisions and love them completely. End of the day...we laughed, were happy, everybody good. JOY.

When I am authentic with and in my feelings, and what my true desires are, I don’t have to try so hard. Or manipulate. Or struggle. Or resist. I can let go of control, of the need to be right.

I stay in the flow and life manages to unfold around me.

Full and Happy.