The constant seeking of others' approval is a major block in our lives. It is a constant, consistent buzz in our ear leading us to worry about what “they” are going to think.
It is none of your business what other people think of you. Their thoughts are theirs and belong only to them. Just as your thoughts belong only to you. This is one of the most powerful concepts to grasp, if you want to live an authentic life, free to be exactly who you want to be.
Many times, this is not a conscious choice. Our subconscious mind is programmed at such a young age to care deeply about pleasing others, which is truly a survival tactic. We need to stay with the strongest of the pack to survive, so we must do everything we can to stay with them, including only taking on the thoughts and actions they will approve of.
However, in modern society and as we grow into adulthood, this approval seeking tendency runs out of control. It’s important to gain awareness and peel away the layers of non-essential attachment to approval.
When you are not worried about other’s approval you have freedom to be who you are and freedom to act in accordance with YOUR life’s mission and purpose.
You are not constrained. You get to gain access to your authentic self in any situation. This is the “flow” we hear talked about…that place where we are at our Truth. This is where power, passion, pleasure and purpose come from.
When we approach any situation coming FROM our authentic place of freedom, being truly who we are, saying what our soul is calling us to say (NOT just some ego babble that we think sounds cool or people will like), we are planted firmly in our truth and will attract more truth and more opportunities that are aligned with our Core Desires.
It is the most powerful thing a person can do. Anything less is constrained. Tight. Lacking confidence.
A personal example: I have been writing a monthly column for Gather: a yoga collective in their Love & Lust category. My most recent installment about self-pleasure (read that here) was something I would have NEVER written 3 years ago. But as I have worked more and more on releasing negative patterns that don’t serve me any longer, one of the biggest chunks that fell away is the need for approval. My entire life was about seeking the approval of my family, my husband, my friends, EVERYONE. People pleasing was my greatest skill. And it was sucking all the life out of me.
When I finally let go of this toxic burden, I became more of myself. I feel MUCH more FREEDOM (one of my Core Desired Feelings) to move about my life...undiminished.
It has changed everything. My life is more rich, more connected. My marriage has deepened. Opportunities are showing up that would have never before. And I am more successful than I have ever been.
When you are seeking approval you lose connection to yourself. You start looking to do things that are outside of what you would naturally do.
This is what keeps people stuck. Keeps us from doing the thing that is calling from our heart. Chips away at our soul. Crashes our creativity. Time goes by and we feel we have lost our way. Lost our course.
You are still you. And who you REALLY are, is exactly who you are supposed to be.
No matter what anyone else thinks.